A Second Chance
by Nanashi55
Summary: Sanzo lost his master. It was more than painful. Now, he is losing Goku. Will there be a second chance? (Shounen Ai)
1. What is Lost

_**(If you've noticed any grammatical mistakes, I am very sorry. English is my 2nd language and grammar is like algebra. __So, I hope you'd understand but I'll do my best. If you could point out my mistakes, you're AWESOME and I'll edit it a.s.a.p. This is my first fan fiction. I hope someone will enjoy reading it).**_

_- **I DO NOT OWN SAIYUKI** because if I do, I won't be here - _

Goku had been holding Sanzo's robe for what felt like an eternity.

Both of them were dangling on the edge of the mountain. Sanzo's hand desperately clung on a stone, supporting not only himself but Goku's as well. He cursed under his breath as he felt his grip loosening every minute. He hadn't had the strength to pull himself up. Much to his frustration. Blood kept trickling down his head, making it harder for him to stay focus, to stay awake. His breath felt short and weak. 'Tch'…. How he wished for a smoke right now.

Goku was aware that Sanzo's losing consciousness. He too felt light headed and struggled from blacking out. Both his broken arms felt numb. His body was wrecked with pain and blood was flowing from his gashed chest. Even though he was supposedly the Saiten Taisei, he'd without doubt die from blood loss.

If only Sanzo wasn't badly injured, he'd already climbed back up. And there was himself too… like an anchor, adding to the weight.

"Maybe I should…Well, Sanzo won't like it but I guess I have no choice," Goku thought to himself sadly. It's either me or both of us will plunged to our death. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Nonetheless, it's a one way ticket.

Goku didn't like the idea one bit. He'd never wanted to be separated from Sanzo. He was his saviour. He had given him freedom. Sanzo is and forever will be his reason to live. The light to his darkness. And now, his life is Sanzo's for the taking.

Goku made up his mind. He knew he had to let go. As much as he had promised himself to stay alive for his beloved Sun, to protect Sanzo at the expense of his own life was deeply carved in his very soul. Yet, he wished that somehow, maybe somehow, he would survive.

"Ne Sanzo, I'm hungry. Like really really really hungy", Goku grinned.

Sanzo wanted to yell 'stupid monkey' but stopped abruptly when he met Goku's golden eyes. Eyes were indeed doors to the soul. And from Goku's, Sanzo knew what he meant. "Goodbye Sanzo…and thank you", Sanzo heard in his mind. With the last parting words, Goku loosened his grip on Sanzo's robe and fell into the abyss. Shocked beyond belief, screaming with no voice, Sanzo could only watched helplessly as Goku disappeared into the bottomless pit, leaving him in the most silent night he ever felt in his life.

A cold person he was, he never knew he could cry again after his master's death. Now, streaks of hot tears felt warm against his cheeks. Screaming in agony, with all his strength, Sanzo willed himself up and landed flat on the ground.

No longer had the urge to stay awake, Sanzo gave in to the darkness, hoping to be woken up later what felt like a bad dream.

Then, everything fell silent.

_**(Thank you for reading! Yes, I am dramatic. Should I make a sequel? Reviews are very much appreciated!) (^_^)**_


	2. Can Never be Replaced

_**(Yeay, here's the 2__nd__ chapter! Again, I am very sorry in advance for any grammatical mistakes. I've checked it several times and almost end up cross-eyed. So, your understanding is much appreciated. THANK YOU for all the comments. Made my day! You guys are AWESOME. Enjoy!)**_

_Oh, I did put some __**foul words**__ but not noticeable. I don't like curses but it sends the message._

_**I DO NOT OWN SAIYUKI**__ because if I do I would not get a C for my drawings!_

His head throbs. He couldn't remember how many days has he been asleep. Or wherever the hell he is right now but he knows for a fact that he's alone in a room. A rather nice room too. The whirring sound of the fan is getting on his nerve. "Tch…" Slowly, he opens his eyes. Squinting, he could see warm rays of sunlight streaming through the window. The soft shades of gold filling up the dark room. Raising his hand, the golden rays' dance on his palm, warm and loving against his cold pale skin. Like any other day, it would have triggered his senses, puts him in the mood. But today is not like any other day, does it? Sanzo closes his eyes, meditating or rather, waiting for any sound or voice calling for him. Even though there are times when he could not hear Goku's voice, nevertheless he could sense Goku's soul. Over time, their spirits have connected. Now, nothing but emptiness envelopes his very soul.

Slap by reality, Sanzo knows that he is only but a fool for having false hope. Goku will no longer be by his side. To be punished by such a fate, definitely he has done the unimaginable in his former life. Seeking oblivion, Sanzo wills himself to sleep. Surely, the world can wait a few days more for he no longer has anything to loose.

"Oi Hakkai, don't you think Sanzo's been sleeping too much? It has already been more than a month. I don't want to stay in this place any longer, damn it! We should hurry it up and find that stupid monkey already!"

Gojyo's in a bad mood nowadays. Hell, he's furious. He has a bad feeling and is worried sick about Goku. Guilt gnaws his being since he and Hakkai weren't around when Sanzo and Goku need them the most. To his knowledge, the arrogant priest and his monkey were attacked by Kougaji's so called troop. It should be nothing that they couldn't handle. That is not until one of them blows up with enough TNT to wipe a city off the world chart. One thing leads to another and Goku being Goku, geronimo'd into what seems to be an act of suicide.

"Now, now Gojyo. You know how badly hurt Sanzo is. Let him rest as much as he needs. We have been tracking down Goku for weeks but to no avail. We might as well wait for Sanzo and come up with a better strategy," said Hakkai in his calmest voice.

As much as he hates to admit it, Gojyo is right. He too worries for Goku's well-being. What's more, he's afraid that Goku might not survive from such a fall. Hakkai is aware that Sanzo is trying his hardest to stay asleep, avoiding human contacts. He also hasn't been eating well. Gladly, his injuries are fully healed following a week in a state of comatose. Thanks to Hakryuu, they are able to save Sanzo in time. It is a relief that Sanzo's health is improving but it puts wrinkles to his face to see Sanzo acting beside himself. More or less like a walking ticking bomb that refuses to be defuse.

Smiling his usual smile, Hakkai goes to Sanzo's room along with his breakfast, hoping to solve the mystery tugging in everyone's heart.

The knock on the door brings Sanzo back to the realm of the living. For a while, he tries to ignore it but in need of a drink and his cancer stick, the desire to feign sleep abandons him.

Unwillingly, Sanzo moves himself to a sitting position.

"Sanzo, I'm coming in", Hakkai announces.

"I brought you breakfast and of course, this as well".

Sanzo pulls out a cigarette and lights it on. Breathing in the smoke, Sanzo feels a calming effect in his chest.

"How are you today, Sanzo? Does it hurt anymore, I mean your head," said Hakkai with a concern gesture.

"Tch, don't be such a nag Hakkai. I'm fine," Sanzo utters, eyes staring blankly ahead.

"Then can I suggest that we look for Goku immediately? From where he fell, he might be in serious danger."

Sanzo almost flinches at the mentioning of Goku's name but his calm posture shadows any hint to his distraught emotions. As if staring into infinity, Sanzo remains static. For a moment, Hakkai thinks that his words have fall on deaf ears when suddenly Sanzo speaks in his normal tone.

"_We don't."_

"What do you mean WE DON'T? Goku needs us!" Gojyo suddenly barges into the room, guns blazing.

Hakkai sighs disapprovingly, his 'make love not war' approach not even halfway through.

Truly, Gojyo knows how to make an entrance.

"Are you an idiot? Do I need to spell it to you? What part of 'WE DON'T' escape your understanding?" The lid to Sanzo's bottle up emotions burst open.

Quick to snap and along with 'I've had enough of you and your smart mouth' on Gojyo's face, Gojyo springs on top of Sanzo and punch straight to his stomach with all his might.

"Stop it Gojyo! He's still hurt!" Hakkai tries to break the fight yet, like the air in the room, his presence disregarded. Heck, Gojyo could not care less.

Sanzo winces in pain as he feels the punch knocking out his breath. He lost the will to fight back. Holding his breath, Sanzo braces himself for the upcoming pain.

Gojyo stops halfway, obviously surprise that Sanzo isn't avoiding his attacks or does he replies it. Not that he mind much but it feels wrong. Gojyo stares into Sanzo and could see nothing except for a set of eyes that belongs to a broken mind. Violet shades of defiance and arrogance no longer burning with life. Gojyo's anger flies swiftly as it has come.

"Sanzo, as it is to you, Goku is no less important to us as well. So, tell us…" Hakkai said breaking the silence.

"_He's_ _dead_," Sanzo knows better than to utter the name. It hurts too much.

Even at his own words, Sanzo wishes to stay in a state of denial.

Reality lingers at a point of no return.

For a moment, Hakkai and Gojyo stand unmoving, legs heavy on the ground.

"What? He couldn't be dead. How do you know for sure? ", Gojyo wails, he refuses to believe.

"_After he felI, his presence vanishes_." Gojyo and Hakkai are left speechless.

'_He's dead._' Sanzo chants in his mind.

"This can't be right. Goku doesn't die that easily. F**k!" Gojyo slams his fist on the wall.

Yet to witness Sanzo's unwavering attitude, Gojyo's chest tightens. Sorrow vibrates in his chest. Glancing over Hakkai, Gojyo notices that he's holding his breath. His knuckles white from gripping the chair with a face twinge of utter torment. Heavy dark atmosphere hovers in the living room as the three silently grieves over the loss of their golden eyed boy.

_Somewhere outside the inn…_

A carriage passes by, carrying what seems to be a cage. A big brown rag piece of sack shields it from world. In the cramped space, a youthful figure desperately peeks through the iron bars, hoping to catch a glance of the sun. For reasons that he no longer has any memories of, he feels a core and deep attachment. His eye sparks with life as he sees the golden orb visible through the torn cloth. "'Like the sun," he absentmindedly utters. Touch by the warm sun, his head gear slightly reflects a quick light into Sanzo's room moments before he quietly retracts himself back into the corner.

Feeling his heart skip a beat, Sanzo looks over his shoulder. Eyes dead set on the window.

Convince that it is simply a mind trick, Sanzo brush it off and inhale soothingly from his cancer stick. 'Forget,' his mind repeats itself.

With the whines of the horses, the carriage picks up speed and heads towards a new direction.

West.

_** (Drum rolls! How was it? Lame or too poetic perhaps? It did burn a fuse in my brain. Despite having an interview tomorrow, inspiration gets the best of me and of course to have people enjoying my story is priceless. Comments are nice too! (^_^)** _


	3. By the Skin of One's Teeth

_** Inspiration came a bit late but whatever, the third's chapter is up! Making fun of grammar is a serious offence but still don't sue me. Lights, camera, ACTION! **_

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN SAIYUKI**__ because I just don't. Duh!_

* * *

The crowd roars with anticipation as he steps into the ring.

"Kintaro! Kintaro! Kintaro! Kintaro!", goes the rhythmic chants, deafening.

Looking up to the coliseum lookalike building, he squints his eyes at the touch of the sunlight.

'Warm…' he thinks to himself.

Named after his golden eyes, Kintaro has won many fights despite being a greenhorn and a boy. While the fighters of the arena are mostly notorious criminals on death row, he on the other hand is no more than a slave thrown in the brawl to make it more…stimulating, so they say. More or less, he's the sideshow freak. Being a youkai, none of the spectators gives a second thought to seeing a boy in such a cruel sport. Instead, they love it. Nowadays, he's the 'sideshow turned main attraction'. In exchange for his participation, his master gains fortune and power beyond what any man could ever want. Today, here he is again, battling for his life.

Countless times he tries to break free from his master but with each failed attempt, the custom made shackles gripping his hand, feet and neck become heavier, tighter, colder against his skin. Punishment for his disobedience. The shackles are a pain especially in fights. Another recent 'gift' from his master is a gold studded earring that pierces both his upper earlobe. Tinkered with magic enchantments, the earring can induce great pain at a simple snap of a finger. But that is far from comparison should the word 'excruciate' slips his master's lips. His head will instantly feel like blowing up, his body shakes with torment and blood oozes from his nose. Too great a pain, he pass out every single time. Hell doesn't even come close to describe how his life really is. With no recollection of who he is, Kintaro curses his own existence. Like everybody else, he must have belonged to someone. Anyone.

Why aren't they looking for him?

'Please, somebody save me', Kintaro utters in an inaudible voice.

The chanting of the crowd brings him back to reality. Kintaro changes his position to a fighting stance. Before him stand his opponent, a large build man with a long scar on his left cheek, eyes eager to kill. Without warning, the man comes hard with a kick to his stomach, sending Kintaro flying before his back slams mercilessly against the brick wall. As Kintaro gets up to his feet, another kick meets his head, follow by a punch to the face. Blood spurts out leaving a coppery taste inside his mouth. 'This guy's fast!', Kintaro thinks as he evades the man's elbow attack. But not fast enough. There! An opening! His animal instinct kicks in and Kintaro lays an uppercut to the man's chin and a power up roundhouse kick to the chest. The man falls hard before coughing out a pool of blood. Kintaro stops to take a breather. His youkai strength is apparently too much for a human body to withstand. A broken chest, the man is done for. The fight's over.

Kintaro turns his back and starts to walk away. He does not wish to end the man's life. Let the punishers do the job. "BOOOooo…", the crowd is unhappy with Kintaro's resolve. Suddenly the man, clearly in pain stands on his feet and dash towards Kintaro with a small knife aiming at his chest. Desperation gives him the adrenaline for the extra push despite his injuries. Moments before the knife can pierces into Kintaro's chest, he swiftly bends backwards. The knife pierces into thin air. Kintaro's feet then deviate into a whirling thrust directly to the man's abdomen. "Gah!", the man screams as he goes up in the air and drops headfirst to the solid ground. More blood gushes out of him. Unwilling to call quits, the man tries to get up but Kintaro quickly holds the man's neck, pinning him to the ground. The man struggles to break loose, his breath cut short. Kintaro hesitates to make his final move.

"Don't", Kintaro whispers. "Please, don't", he further pleads.

The man reaches out for the knife on the ground when…'Crack' goes the neck.

As Kintaro sees the light in his opponent's eyes go dim, his heart weeps silently. While the man's body stays warm, Kintaro screams his heart out as guilt tortures his soul for taking yet another life. Definitely not his first but the pain is not an ounce less painful.

The sudden loud cheers of joy for the winner drown his cries of grieve.

'Soon', he says to the sun above his head. Soon, he'll sure to escape or die trying.

* * *

"Sanzo, where to? ", a concern Hakkai asks.

"Out", Sanzo plainly replies.

Along with the click of the door knob, Sanzo left the room.

The Sanzo trio is taking a three days' rest. Hakkai advises so as Hakuryuu needs to recharge his strength. The mountain's terrain is hard on the dragon. Much to his relief, Sanzo doesn't argue aside the normal 'tch' sounds he usually makes. He speaks even lesser. The journey without Goku is hard. Throughout the journey, Hakkai finds himself glancing at the side mirror out of habit to make his regular check when he remembers that Goku no longer occupies the backseat. Meal time is the worst. At first, it's either him or Gojyo that tries to strike up a conversation. Eventually they give up and eat in silence because each conversation ends up reminding them even more of Goku, a taboo to the trio. "Goku... ", Hakkai lets out a heavy sigh.

Sanzo sits smoking his cancer stick with his back against a dead tree trunk. Too much is happening and he needs some time away from… mostly everything. The town's too damn noisy since there's a tournament going on. The tournament is a new fancy way to execute death penalty on criminals. Sometimes, he wonders if humans are any better than youkai. Whatever it is, it's sickening. He knows better than to stick his nose in such troublesome matter. It is clearly none of his damn business too.

The journey to the west is rough and lately, Sanzo is made aware of Hakkai and Gojyo's eyes checking on him now and then, concern over his wellbeing but nonetheless suffocating. Tch, he doesn't need their pity, he just wants to forget.

With eyes toward the sky, Sanzo lets his mind wonder off….How long has it been then? 3 , 4 months? Yet, his heart aches like yesterday's pain... He still hears Goku's faint voice calling out his name, stopping him in his way numerous times. He brush it off as a cruel mind trick. Forgetting Goku is next to impossible. Drowning in his emotion, Sanzo feels a tinge of sadness welling up inside him. Tears threaten to flow out.

NO! NO! NO!…Stop! Sanzo screams to himself yet small orbs of crystal trickle down his face.

* * *

Now is his chance.

Master is out in town on meetings with the higher-ups of the town council. Today is unusual since his master allows him to take a bath at the private hot spring famous for its healing nature. Perhaps master wants him to recover fast for the next fight. Standing guard is master's most trusted henchman. His strength rivals that of an elephant. No joke.

Stepping out of the hot spring, Kintaro walks closer to the henchman. Then he picks up his robe and throws it into the air. The henchman is caught off guard by his action and his eyes fix itself upon the flying robe. Before he realizes it, Kintaro sweeps his feet and with a heavy thump, he falls onto the wooden plank. Kintaro takes the opportunity to strangle the henchman's with his chains as hard as he can. The henchman's body goes limp, still alive however. He might be powerful but anyone human is not without mistakes. He just takes advantage of that.

Suddenly, he feels a sharp pain to his stomach. A small knife is sticking into it. When did he..? "He IS master's henchman after all", Kintaro sniggers. Gritting his teeth, he carefully pulls out the knife. Blood seeps out from the wound. Kintaro takes a towel and wraps it around his waist like a bandage. This should hold the wound. Till then, he needs to make his escape. There are more guards outside and he has small chances of survival in his current state. Putting on the henchman big black cape, Kintaro climbs onto the wall and jump to the other side. Once he is in the clear, he dash to the nearest forest. The more he runs the harder it seems for him to breath. He is losing blood and consciousness is slipping away. NO! A bit more! Kintaro goes deep into the forest, not care in the world to where the path carries him as long as he's far away from his master. Suddenly, a figure appears from behind a tree. Kintaro head-butt straight to it and stumbles onto something soft…

An animal?

Ah, so warm.

Warm like…like...like… the sun?

What's this feeling? So familiar…Where…

NO! His mind screams.

RUN. RUN. KEEP RUNNING KINTARO…

"Goku!Goku!". A voice, barely a whisper fills his mind.

This voice too sounds familiar.

'Who's Goku?' Kintaro wonders. It seems like a nice name.

'Ahh..my eyelids feel so heavy'.

'Maybe I should sleep for a while. Just a bit'.

'Tired. I'm so tired and hungry.'

'I'll buy myself some manju once I wake up.'

Then the world goes black.

* * *

"I'm back".

"Welcome back, Gojyo. Have you gotten all the things on the list?"

"Of course Hakkai. But why do you order so much. I only have two hands."

"Ah, I'm sorry. Usually Goku helps out..."

"…"

"Never mind then. Anyways Hakkai, let's hit the bar tonight. I got us some hot dates. Hehehe…"

"I don't know Gojyo. I want to settle early today".

"What? Come on Hakkai! Just for a bit. It's a sin to have good looks and not use it. Well, second to me that is but it will be FUN."

"I'm sorry. Hakuryuu's not well today. So, I'm rather worried leaving him alone."

"Fine then. More for me. Well, I'm off."

"Oh, Gojyo. Manju? I don't think I order any of them."

"…..Actually, I buy them on a whim since Goku likes them so much. My bad."

"Gojyo…"

"Well, Ja…" Click.

"Chuu.. " Hakuryuu nuzzles his head fondly on Hakkai's chin.

"Yes, I miss him too Hakuryuu", Hakkai smiles his sad smiles.

* * *

Sanzo's about to stand up when something knocks him real hard. "What the hell?" Sanzo yells. He winces in pain as his butt slams back to the ground. His head throbs. Back to his senses, he sees a small figure clad with a black cape lays motionless against his, probably a kid. Well whoever he is, he's damn heavy. He then notices silver chains attach to the kid's hand. His feet too.

Shackles? What on earth?

"Oi, oi,...", Sanzo shakes the body rather ungracefully. No response, none. He's not dead, that's for sure. Tch, such a troublesome thing. But it's no wonder since he too feels light headed from the early collision. Sanzo pushes the kid off his chest with great difficultly before advancing to check his condition. Even a cold one, he still has a heart. Removing the cape, Sanzo stops halfway as he catch a glimpse of a golden diadem that he knows far, far too well to be mistaken. Hastily, Sanzo removes the remaining cape covering the boy's face.

IT CANNOT BE! GOKU?!

_** ..And CUT! How was it? Too Gladiatorish? Blergh, I suck at writing fighting scenes. Then I tend to describe everything too much. Sheeshh. What do you think? Hmmm..O sweet readers do sweetly leave a comment. Thank you for reading! **(^_^)_


	4. and Towards Warm Embrace

_**Ohooii…! The next chapter is up. This part takes longer than intended. I deleted and rewrite so many times and it kinda writes itself. I did my best though! ** \(^_^)/_

_P.S._

_Dear Sir English, _

_Forgive me for my uncalled letter. It is about your daughter, Lady Grammar. She is truly sweet and nice but sadly, I am not to her level yet even after all these years. Please tell her how sorry I am for letting her down and for all the mistakes that I've done but I will never give up._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Miss English is my 2__nd__Language._

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN SAIYUKI**__ because if I do, I'll definitely turn it into shonen ai genre._

* * *

The birds and the crickets chirping fade along with the soft summer breeze. Sanzo's heart stands still. He doesn't dare as to blink his eyes in fear that the fragile being which lays unconscious on the moist grass is nothing more than a mirage. Or perhaps a hint that insanity has finally caught up with him. 'Goku?' Sanzo utters the name with anxiety while hoping for a response. Doubt tugs his heart. He makes slow hesitant reach towards the boy. Resting his palm against the boy's pale cheek, his heart beats with relief. At the innocent touch, Sanzo's body and arms burn with need, longing and buried desire. Abruptly, he pulls the boy and against his chest, locks him in a tight and protective embrace. "Goku…Goku…", Sanzo's desperate whispers fill the silent forest. All the feelings that have been torturing him, harbouring deep in his seabed of inner self finally bubble up and flow out into foams of seawater. He tightens his arms further, not wanting to let go. If this is a dream, let nothing wakes him up.

"Uugghh..." a sudden painful whimper escapes Goku's lips, startling Sanzo for a moment before he loosens his embrace. Yet, Goku's eyebrows remain in a twist of pain and his breath seems to fall short. Something must be wrong. Sanzo quickly unsheathes Goku from the cape and notices damp blood prints visible on the boy's cloth. Lifting Goku's shirt, he is taken aback to see Goku's body all black and blue with bruises and scars. Somebody has been hurting his charge! Behind a poor job of a bandage, a fresh wound that of a knife cut clean not too deep into Goku's stomach reveals itself. Sanzo twitches in panic as he sees blood seeps out from it. He needs to bring Goku to Hakkai, fast! Sanzo's legs wobble as he tries to carry Goku on his back. Tch! Those damn shackles sure weigh a ton! He'll make sure that whoever has done this to Goku gets divine punishment. Out of the forest, Sanzo makes a run towards the town's inn.

Hakkai wakes up in surprise as his bedroom door swings open with force. A distraught Sanzo emerge at his door.

"Sanzo? Is anything the ma…"

Without a word, Sanzo grabs Hakkai and drag him towards his bedroom.

"Wha..why are we going to your… bed..bedroom?" Hakkai feels nervous all of a sudden.

"Later Hakkai. He's badly hurt. You need to tend to his wound"

"Wound? Who's hurt? Gojyo?"

'How can Gojyo be 'hurt'? He is out hanging at the bar.' Hakkai's thinks to himself, still drowsy from his sleep.

Sanzo remain silent.

Drain of energy and a sore back, Sanzo can't be bothered to answer. It is fortunate enough that he stumbles upon Gojyo on the way back. Together they carry Goku to the inn. Gojyo hasn't spoken a word since, rare for someone who never seems to shut up. Not that Sanzo blames him. Everything just falls apart since that day. To see Goku alive before their eyes again after all this time, after forcing themselves to accept his death, the shock is too much.

Entering the room, Hakkai sees Gojyo standing beside the bed. He doesn't look injured if anything.

Then what he sees next stops him halfway. Goku is sleeping soundly on Sanzo's bed.

"Goku!? How…?" His speech trails off as he notices the stab wound.

Quickly, he checks for the boy's pulse. It feels weak against his finger, barely beating. Goku must have lost a lot of blood. Hakkai then charges his qi in full blast, rendering the wound to close up. Minutes later, colours begin to show on Goku's cheek. Hakkai sighs with relief but he is far from finish.

"Is he… Goku, okay?" Gojyo asks worriedly.

"Yeah, Goku's okay for now but he has lost a lot of blood. So, it might take some time before he wakes up."

Gojyo feels as though his heart has stopped beating for a moment. Then, he pulls a chair and sits down looking bewildered and exhausted but a bit relaxed after knowing Goku is out of danger.

'Bakasaru. You sure know how to make me worry.' Gojyo's face lit up.

While Goku's sleeping face looks so calm, bruise marks on his body speak otherwise. Hakkai cannot help but feels angry. 'Where on earth have you been to Goku?'

Hakkai clutches Goku's hand for reassurance. It is warm. Even the room feels different than before. Goku has truly made his way back to them.

'Goku, I'm so glad. I'm so glad.' No word can describe how happy Hakkai feels. His spirit lifted.

'Welcome back Goku…'

* * *

Before, he was a magician that sells magic trinkets but since the youkai-went-ballistic pandemic, no one seemed to want to have anything to do with magic. Not that he mind much since black magic was more his cup of tea. Honest living didn't suit him anyways. So, he turned his wheel of fate and made a living out of underground fights, staking his 'tinkered with black magic' slave fighters in a battle to death. Once or twice he'd faked defeat so that his magic trick remains unbeknownst to others. The human body however could not withhold his powerful magic and most of his slaves didn't survive for long. He was at his wits end until he met Kintaro. Now the boy is missing, right after he made big plans for the upcoming match. He is in a foul mood. Even after killing his most trusted henchman, anger still burns in his bone. He should have known better than to trust anyone but himself. The damn earring will not work too unless Kintaro is within his sight. Resting his chin on his palm, his warm breath vaporises, leaving a visible trace against the cold air. The day when he found the boy, it was a cold day too. He was on his way to the next town when suddenly something fell with tremendous force from the sky not far from his carriage. Chalked it up to morbid curiosity, he went over and found a boy sprawled in a small meteor like crater, steps away from death's door. He could just leave him to die yet the golden diadem that encircled the boy's head had intrigued his magician instinct. It definitely looked like a youkai limiter but not that of this world. When he touched the diadem, immense power vibe emanated from it. Realising his good fortune, he came to the decision to save the boy's life and wiped him clean of his memories. Whoever the boy was before he should no longer be. Kintaro is his and his alone. Finders' keepers. One way or the other, he'll come back to him. It is just a matter of time. It's a good thing that he still has his master's precious grimoire. Now all he needs is the right spell.

* * *

"Kintaro…Kintaro…Kintaro", thousands of ghastly voice resonates in his mind.

He is all alone, blackness blinds him. Heavy shackles chain him to the ground as if gravity isn't enough to hold him down. What has he ever done to get such punishment? Strip from any memories, he is but an empty shell. Yet, against this cold ambiance, he seeks nothing more than warmth. Suddenly, everything is blood red and arms crawl out from the earth below, pulling him to the ground.

"You killed us… you killed us!" sorrowful shrills of hatred pierce his ears.

"Aaaaargghhhh… Nooooo!"

Kintaro wakes up drench in sweat. His vision is blurry and he feels like his insides are all jumble up. Is he still dreaming? He cannot make up the faces looking down on him, holding him to the bed. Has he been captured again?! No! No! Not again!

He wriggles and kicks with all his might but escape is not easy. He is scarce of energy and with each moment, consciousness is slipping away.

"Ouch! Damn it Goku! Why'd you do that for bakasaru!" Gojyo wails angrily. Red bite marks left his wrist with a numbing pain.

Opportunity in hand, he jumps onto the table and frantically reaches out for a fork before backing into the far corner of the room.

"Stay back! Stay! He threatens. At the same time, his eyes dart around for a way out. Unfortunately, he is cornered like a wild animal. Kintaro can roughly see three figures in front of him. Strange, they do not seem like his master's servant nor do they smell of malice.

"Goku. Calm down. It's only us. Don't you remember?" the guy with emerald green eyes speaks.

Kintaro doesn't have a clue what he is talking about but somehow, he feels like he has seen them somewhere before. And what's this melancholic feeling at the pit of his stomach? His mind tells him not to harm a hair on them. 'Why?' Kintaro questions himself. No, he shouldn't trust anyone so easily. He must get away!

"I…I don't know you!" He practically screams.

"Do..don'...t come near!" his voice trembles with overwhelming fear, fear and insecurity. He doesn't want to resort to killing again. No more.

"Tch, I don't remember having a charge this troublesome!"

Sanzo cannot take it anymore. He is pissed off. Has Goku forgotten everything about them, about him? Oh, the nerve! He'll make him remember!

With swift hands, he pulls out his gun, aims and shoot. Ting! The fork flies away from Goku's hand.

Goku ducks for cover. Shit! He runs for the door in frenzy but the blonde man is already ahead of him. Sanzo grab Goku's hand and twist it into a hammerlock.

Goku shouts in pain.

"Goku, relax! We're not going to harm you bakasaru!" The one he bites tries to explain.

"Let go! Let go! Aaaahhhhhhh…!" Goku wriggles harder than before like one possessed.

"Goku! Stop it or I swear you'll get it!" The boy is testing Sanzo's patience.

"Sanzo, you're hurting him." Hakkai tries to control the situation. He worries for Goku since he is still in a weak condition and Sanzo's action isn't helping either. If anything, he is making it worst.

Goku struggles strong despite his injuries but it only made the blonde to twist his hand more and it hurts like hell. Reality sinks in. Three against one, escape is futile. He cannot win. Not that he is weak but he feels emotionally restricted to fight them. Like a bird with a broken wing, Goku stops flapping about. He is disheartened, tired and sick of all this. Sick of running. Sick of fighting. Sick of living. But more than anything, he is sick of being alone. He gives up and cries out his frustration like a child losing his favourite toy. He has been holding the tears for too long and it is eating him. All he ever wanted is to be free and yet, it is something that he can never get.

Goku's sobs tore at Sanzo's heart. He softens his grip. Perhaps he has been too rough.

"If you… if you…really do know… me. Then, why didn't you look for me?"

"Why…why… have you left me alone?"

"I called and called…but nobody came… I was so alone…"

The words sounding so hurtful and childlike suddenly roll out of Goku's mouth. Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai didn't know what to say. Their faces darken with borderless guilt especially Sanzo. Goku almost felt sorry for saying it. Master will be coming for him soon and time is a luxury that he doesn't have. Master will kill them for sure and he doesn't wish for anyone to be hurt because of him, before it's too late. He'll beg if he have to.

"…Just let…me go, please…"

Goku gazes deep into Sanzo's purple shade eyes. For a moment, he could see glimpses of himself and a golden hair figure walking side by side. A memory? He clutches his throbbing head, minutes away from fainting. As if Goku has done it before, out of his control, his body act on himself and hug the confuse blonde. Goku surprised himself. Yet, the embrace feels so natural and familiar, so warm and loving against his tattered heart. 'Like the sun,' the word rings clearly in his mind. Goku's fear quietly resides and manifest into serenity.

"You… you'll… let… me go…go, won'...t yo...u?"

Goku further pleads before he slumps weakly against Sanzo.

The trio are dumbstruck, clearly not the reunion scene that they have in mind. A shocking turn of event. They do not see it coming. For a while, everyone remain static. They are too shaken up to see Goku looking so hurt, so vulnerable and so adamant to escape. Like a deranged person. Not only does Goku have no recollection of who he is, he must have lived a life full of torment. Dark air hangs around the room.

Sanzo cradles the boy and tuck him back into the bed. It seems that Goku hasn't regained his energy.

Sanzo stroke the boy's hair, oblivious to the fact that he isn't alone in the room. Feeling like they are intruding a sacred moment, Gojyo and Hakkai made their exit. Though Sanzo heart weeps silently for Goku's suffering, he is still surprised and amused by his charge action. The hug, eventhough brief feels full of need and wanting. It made him happy and whole. It seems that Goku's body still remembers what his mind forgets. All is not yet lost. Goku's word echoes in his mind.

'Bakasaru... I'll never let you go.'

'Not a chance.' Sanzo eyes glint with determination.

Even if Goku begs of it, he'll never let him go.

Even if Goku is not willing, he'll make him stay.

Even if Goku ends up hating him for it, so be it.

Whatever it takes.

He has already lost him once.

It is no longer an option.

* * *

_** That wraps it up. I tried really hard to put myself in each character's shoes. (No kidding!) The feeling of losing a loved one is never easy. But seeing them back alive? Now, that is something beyond comprehension since in real life it won't happen. ( Duh, it's fanfiction silly). Somehow, in the end, it seems like I've made Goku into the damsel in distress. So, you sure you don't want to criticize me and leave a comment? Thank you for reading!_ (^_^)_**_


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